In the beginning, it seemed that my life with Jōji was perfect. We began as many couples do, getting to know one another, sharing a life together and continuing to grow as one. However, like with all stories, it seemed like our love story began to hit a crossroads where we became distant from one another. More so me than him. Was it that we didn’t love each other? Was he to blame? Was I to blame? There could have been multiple answers to our questionable state, but one fact remained true: I did not love him anymore. At times, I feel that I never really loved him at all. When we first met I was a bit uneasy about Jōji, being that he would stare at me from a far while I would work my shifts at the Cafe. I would constantly ask myself, “Who is this older man that comes in night after night to watch me work”? I wanted to tell him something, but during those days I was much shyer than the woman you know now. Yet, it was intriguing that a person showed interest in me because, for the most part, no one had. Especially inside my household where I was looked down on, which might be the reasoning to why I had no shred of self-confidence. I agreed to go out on a date with this mysterious man, which I didn’t know whether he was going to be kind or be like everyone else in my life: mean. To my surprise he was a gentlemen throughout the date, but I continued to keep a guard up, simply replying in single-word answers. After a while the years seemed to pass me and Jōji by and I began to care for him as a two-figured man: part husband, part dad. I know it sounds strange, but I couldn't help the feelings I had for him. And yet, I saw myself little by little taking advantage of the man who I grew to care for. He would buy me expensive-western garments, and I all I could think about is that I wanted more. I wanted all of what he was offering me, and couldn’t be satisfied with what I was being given. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was young and didn’t know better, which was the lie I would tell myself when I felt bad. It wasn’t my fault that he couldn’t see as plain as day that I was taking advantage of him (he always fancied himself the “experienced” one). Now, I knew that Jōji loved me, but throughout the years it just seemed as if our love had ran its course. There’s no harm in it, but I also knew that I couldn’t leave him. Where would I have gone? Back to my family? That was a place that for my whole life I was trying to leave in my past, and promised myself I would do anything and everything to do so. That’s exactly what I did, and I will always appreciate Jōji for showing me a better life. I did my fair share of faults throughout our relationship, with all the lying and cheating, but Jōji was still willing to stay with me. So, instead of breaking it off and going our separate ways, I’d rather live the life that I’m currently living because I get whatever I want, whenever I want it.